Just need to vent...

I read something about someone saying they felt guilty cause they planned a baby and didn't realize they couldn't afford everything right now. The second I read that I instantly thought, and I planned a baby without really thinking if this was something we could do as a family, mentally. Not that it never crossed my mind, cause it did a lot. But my end thought was always, I don't care, I need to experience this for myself. The whole having a baby with someone I love, someone to hold my hand through it all. I never once thought I would be almost 7 months pregnant and regretting it all. I had a feeling the kids would act out as it got closer, or when he arrived. I never imagined that Taylors needs would completely take a turn for the worst. How can I handle a newborn, when I have to do all this stuff for/with Taylor. We were doing so well and it just turned, and its doesn't seem to be turning back. On top of that I really miss jakes old job. Yes of course the money at his new job is more then awesome, but his attitude is so different and almost unbearable. I get yelled at all the time, for nothing. I get told I am the reason Taylor has a such a shitty attitude. I am fucking exhausted with all this crap that I just don't wanna do it anymore. And I try to keep a positive attitude, but really its getting way to hard again. I feel like we are back at the beginning. I do not think we were the best choice for him anymore, he would have had a better life living with his grandma, He has a dad who is never around and when he is he doesn't chose to spend any real time with him. The one time he did spend one on one time with him he freaking lost it and ended up yelling at me telling me how outta control taylor is and how he needs to be medicated, and all this other crap. And how its MY responsibility to make it happen. Why is all this put on me??? Why did I ever jump into this damn mess. I sure as hell can't handle it. I don't know how I have managed this far, lots of tears and pulling at my own hair, Lots of nights planning my escape. Now there is no escape cause I am bringing an innocent little child into this mess of life. It would have been a lot easier to run before, before we said "Till death do us part." I am at a total loss of what to do...why the hell hasn't anyone invented time travel????